Forgiveness

There is much written in scripture about forgiving those who wronged you. But scripture does not give you a step by step instruction, nor does it go into detail about the complex emotions involved.
A couple of months ago I was falsely accused of being abusive to a client. Somehow through poor communication, lack of checking on documentation, and who know what else I was invited to resign. I was furious and had no idea who to be mad at. I presumed a supervisor had taken advantage of the situation to hurt me, but couldn't figure out who. Fast forward five days to when I finally got to talk to the CEO of the organization who apologized and assured me that was not her intention that I leave on poor terms or that I leave at all. She requested that I rescind my resignation, which I did since I had no other employment lined up.
At this point I should be able to forgive and move on, right? No, human nature keeps it from being that easy.
At this point I cried, a lot. I calmed down enough to go back to the office and waved down my supervisor. She was a little leery of coming into my room considering how angry I had been acting the previous few days. I broke into tears again and told her I was sorry that I didn't trust her. We talked for at least a half hour and things were good between us. That was easy. The hard part was yet to come.
I knew I had to reconcile with the two workers who ran that "termination meeting."; one of whom I have known for over 30 years. I had heard that she was very upset about how events had spun out of control. I sent her a text, " I forgive you, lets talk." It took her a week to respond and we finally sat down at a coffee shop and talked. I wanted so much to tell her about how hurt I was that she could believe that accusation, how I hadn't slept since that day, about my physical symptoms of the stress I had gone through, but I consciously chose not to. I let her do most of the talking, Her apology did not admit any fault on her part, which bothered me, but we were talking again and things were not quite back to normal, but close enough to function.
Reconciling with the other worker was a little problematic. She was the HR person and was in a different building. I have little or no opportunity to socialize with her but then I have to deal with her because she runs the HR department. It took a while but I decided that I need to treat her like nothing happened. I had to call her about my time card and was civil and polite. That might have surprised her. Last week she was in our building for something and I sat down a cross from her at lunch. She was uncomfortable at first, but got pulled into the conversation and seemed to relax. We passed pleasantries back and forth the rest of the afternoon and she went out of her way to wish me a pleasant weekend when she left. I think she feels forgiven.
This past month I have learned that forgiveness is an action, not a feeling. Feelings don't necessarily go away, but forgiving is still part of the healing process. I don't think I could have continued at this job unless I chose to forgive those who hurt me. I still carry the hurt; but it is hurt, not anger. I have learned that you can't force an apology, especially one that you will be satisfied with.
"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." Yes, forgiveness is freeing. We all get hurt by other humans. We need to forgive whether or not the offender apologizes or even shows any remorse. We need to learn to let go of the anger, anger does not heal hurt. The hurt will heal faster without that layer of anger and hate on top of it.