Lent is Over, Now What?

“The Strife is o'er, the battle done.” 

is the first line in an Easter hymn. After seven weeks of making sacrifices for Lent, sometimes I feel the battle is done at Easter. It is really easy to quickly get back to where I was before Lent as far as resuming what I had given up and stopping the extra things I had done. It would be so easy to spend the entire Octave of Easter sitting in a comfortable chair eating and drinking what I had given up for Lent and playing mindless computer games.

But I started thinking, how does doing something special for two months and then stopping help me become the best person I can be? The short answer is that it probably doesn't. I needed to evaluate what I was doing and the motivation behind it. I used to give up desserts or chocolate every Lent and often managed to drop a few pounds. I did not give up sweets or really any food this year and I also didn't lose any of that winter weight I was planning to lose. But maybe that is a good thing. Making a sacrifice for the Lord is good, getting my weight down is also good.; but can I really do both at the same time? If I give up candy or other food item with the intention of making myself look or feel more attractive, it is not a sacrificial action. I am just fooling myself that I am doing it for God.

I did give up some leisure things I take pleasure in. My friends with whom I used to play on line games might have noticed. The benefit to me was more free time to pray, to think and reflect and to make better use of the time which is a gift of God. Now that it is the Easter season I need to continue to keep a balance in my life. So far I have managed to not start any new games and I have been pretty good about doing something more useful when I have a few minutes to kill. So now instead of conquering the next level I am conquering the pile of laundry in the basement. I may slip back before next Lent because I am human, but hopefully I will have made some permanent gains.

What about the extra things I have done: increased prayer time, adoration, weekday Masses? It is so temping to slow down and relax now that Lent is over. It is hard, with our hectic lives, to continue daily Mass or adoration or an extra prayer time if we set Easter as our goal line. The ideal would be that I have come to love my time in prayer so much that I am not tempted to cut back after Easter. The reality is that, as a typical human, I love my prayer time, but I also love sleeping in and a myriad of other things that soak up the time I was going to use for prayer like a sponge. I am beginning to realize that I need to keep sacrificing, at least in some ways, if I really want to grow more in the direction of holiness.

Maybe my thoughts on Lent need to change. Like an athlete who practices a specific move over and over again in anticipation of being able to execute during the big game, I need to use the time of preparation, (Lent) to build the skills I need to conquer sin and death. Like that clutch hit or last minute free throw, I am a whole lot more likely to attain my goal, (heaven) if I do the preparation.

Christ opened that gates of heaven on Easter, we all are called to try to improve ourselves during Lent and beyond so we can enter those gates when the time comes.

Phone Conversations With Dad

My Mom has been struggling with Alzheimer's. It is a horrible disease that slowly robs the victim. But I want to talk about my Dad who has been having to deal with his wife of over 60 years slowly disappear and his world turn upside down.

My Dad has always been kind of quiet, especially at home. He seldom told you what he was thinking and would never disagree with Mom in front of us. Most of our conversations were about sports or about family members or maybe his giving us some advice. He was strict, but seldom emotional.

When we grew up and moved out of the house we were all expected to call once a week and talk to Mom. Dad would get on the other line and listen in, but he seldom said anything. Mom would pick up the phone, she would call Dad, then she would check to make sure he picked up and then we would talk. Often Dad would not say a word until it was time to say goodbye. I guess I presumed he was listening, never really thought about it, but he always knew what was going on with me.

When Mom was diagnosed several years ago, it was hard for both of them. Dad had been taking care or the financial needs and Mom would take care of the physical needs but that was going to change. Dad cut back on his work schedule and his social life and also allowed us kids to help him for the first time. He gradually stepped in and took some of Mom's load and paid for help in the areas he couldn't handle. About a year ago Mom got to the point that she could not live in the house and moved to the skilled care center. That is the point that I was not calling home to talk to Mom, but to Dad.

In the past year I have gotten to know my Dad in a different way. He couldn't just sit and listen on the phone. At first the conversation was mostly about Mom, but gradually we have learned. He tells me more about how he is doing and what he is doing. He is gradually learning to ask the questions Mom used to and I am learning that he really was interested in what I was saying all along. We talk about the weather, and the family and about sports, but sometimes we start to get on a more intimate level. He will talk about his reminisces and his memories; that conversation was always be filtered through Mom in the past.

Last week he told me about reading through the letters he and Mom wrote back and forth while he was in the service. She told him about her new niece, my cousin. Dad reflected how much has changed. That baby is now a grandmother and the young lovers who were fascinated by that baby were married, raised six children of their own and have been blessed by 20 grandchildren and two great grandchildren. This is a part of my Dad I had never met before.

It is hard to watch my Mom deteriorate and my Dad suffer through it with her. But I am very blessed that I am getting to know a part of my Dad that he used to only share with Mom. I know that as both of them age, our relationships will evolve and there will be some sad times; but I am learning to embrace the positive pieces, the intimate times.  

Writing with God's Little Pencil

Okay, I have a blog, I have a theme for my blog and I have a few ideas. But you might wonder why I started this? This really isn't my idea.

Now don't get me wrong, I like having people read what I write, I really like when they tell me that I write well and that they enjoy what I wrote. But God told me that this in not what the Catholic Pickle Jar is about. Let me explain.

I do enjoy putting my thoughts on paper, I think I write better than I speak. But I had gotten away from writing anything to get published the past few years. I did some professional writing in an educational journal about 15 years ago, but since then the most creative thing I wrote was our annual Christmas newsletter. However, I occasionally toyed with the idea to write for profit.

Recently I started seeing posts about www.Catholic365.com looking for volunteers to write essays. These posts kind of ate at my heart and I finally sat down to the keyboard and wrote an essay to contribute. The next day I checked and there were over 1000 shares, I don't have that many friends; I am pretty sure I don't even know 1000 people that I could convince to open up a web page, much less to share. Of course my ego goes into high gear and I start thinking about being a rich, well known author and living off the income all through retirement. 

Then God laughed at me. Second article was not nearly as popular and I get a case of writer's block. I start second guessing myself and backing down from my grandiose plans.

Then Saturday comes and I go to the Catholic Women for Christ Conference. I can't tell you what the speakers said, I think the theme was something about setting the world on fire, but I know what I heard. Between the lines God was telling me that I do need to write about being Catholic; I didn't need to worry about numbers of hits or appealing to a broad audience; he would take care of making sure the person who needed to see my message would. By the lunch break I was in a cold sweat and my heart was pounding in my chest. I wasn't actually crying, but felt like I was about to start. I told the ladies I came with to not wait for me for lunch and headed for the Adoration Chapel. I sat down and asked God what did He want of me. It only took me about ten minutes and I had mentally committed to writing from a Catholic viewpoint, not plan on being a financial success, know that even if my audience is small, God will help the people that need to see my page find it. (If this whole scene sounds weird to you, imagine how I was feeling.)

I went home and by the next day had www.theCatholicpicklejar.blogspot.com set up. I still am not quite sure how this all came together. If anything on here ever inspires you, please share with others. I promised God that I was going to do my best work and not just throw just anything up there to increase traffic or boost my ego.

I was thinking while I was driving to work today that God is asking a lot of me, I go to church, I raised my kids pretty well, I try to be a good wife, I even work at a Catholic homeless shelter. How big a piece of me does the Lord want? But I know the answer to that; He, who gave me all, wants all of me. I guess I will just have to see where this ride takes me.

“I am a little pencil in God's hands. He does the thinking. He does the writing. He does everything and sometimes it is really hard because it is a broken pencil and He has to sharpen it a little more.”

Blessed Mother Theresa of Calcutta

P.S. to the Catholics who keep track of feast days, note the date. Holy Mary, Mother of God, Pray for us sinners

Catholic Food for Thought

Originally Published on Catholic365.com

A while back I was talking to someone at work and she told me that she knew I could cook because I was from a good Catholic family. It confused me because even though I do cook and I am from a Catholic family; I really couldn't see a relationship. I mean, I do know some very good Catholics that are mediocre cooks, and I know cooks who are not Catholic, even some who are not even religious. So what is the relationship, if there is one? I don't think that years of bringing food to pot lucks and helping at church dinners is what she was talking about.

There is one meal everyone in our “good Catholic” family attend at least weekly whether we are together or apart and that is the Eucharistic Celebration. Part of being Catholic is eating the body and blood of Jesus at Mass. As Catholics, food and meals are woven into our worship. Not only with the Last Supper but throughout the Old and New Testament breaking bread together is filled with meaning. Abraham eating with angel messengers, Joseph inviting his brothers to the banquet table, the miracle of the loaves and fishes; all these events revolve around food and hospitality. Doesn't it just make sense that food and eating together is a major part of our Catholic culture.

Our religion along with our ethnic cultures intertwine with lots of food symbolism; fish and fasts during Lent, special food on the table for Easter, Christmas and many saint days and other holy days. Most of these times include dining with family and friends.

Knowing that our meals reflect so much of our faith does seem to affect our attitude towards food. We make it a priority to eat together. We start our meal with grace. We often invite others to join us in our meal. When we place so much emphasis on meals it is only natural that we put a goodly effort into the quality of the food.

So it does fall together: As Catholics we worship and celebrate using food. As a family we use food to celebrate and to worship. As Catholic families, is it not normal and good to socialize, to grow to celebrate around a good meal? 

When Your Son is "Father"

This was originally published on Catholic365.com
on March 15, 2015

"Oh, Fr. X is your son, you must be so proud" I have heard that quite often in the five years since my son was ordained. I usually smile and say thank you but I am usually thinking that what I am proud of is different than what that speaker is thinking. I am proud of my son for listening to God and doing his will and persevering through two masters degree programs in half a decade of seminary. I am proud of him for giving up a lucrative career in the secular world and giving up the physical intimacy and joy of being in a family because God called him to be his servant.

What is it like to have a son who is a priest? When people ask me that question, many things come to mind. I worried about him being happy while he was in the seminary; that he would not be discouraged by the long, hard process with years of classes and formation. I pray that he does not feel isolated or overwhelmed with his many duties, most of which he does alone. I am grateful that he and his brother priests have a strong bond and that with modern technology he can text or call one of his former classmates for support. I am concerned when I hear about discrimination and hatred towards Christians anywhere in the world because men like him are the brunt of that hatred and are in danger. And yes, I am proud when I go to Sunday Mass where he is presiding, and I see attentive faces and smiles of understanding around me during the homily. I am also proud when I see his look of total concentration during Mass.

There are also some interesting perks related to being part of the sisterhood of mothers of priests. Someone pointed out to me that I am guaranteed not to have an empty church at my funeral because most of my son's friends and acquaintances at church goers who will be supportive of him. At his ordination, he gave me a box with the cloth he wiped his hands with after the bishop anointed him. He claims I am supposed to show it to St. Peter when I die and it should be a passport to heaven. (I sometimes worry that my family won't find that box when the time comes; it is in my bottom dresser drawer, guys.) Sometimes we get to benefit from some of the generosity of his parishioners. He has bought an occasional dinner from the stack of gift cards he received at Christmas or sometimes shows up at the house with a dessert that someone gave him. Then is the down side of not knowing what to get him for Christmas; we can't shop for shirts or ties for him at the local department store.

Being a parent is an amazing experience. The parent of a man who is doing what God has called him to do is even more so. I know I cannot take any credit for his vocation except for trying to help him know God and not discouraging him. Yes, I am proud of my son in many ways and I am grateful to God that he is fulfilling his calling as a priest.

Why a Pickle Jar?

I am starting this blog with the intention of writing about being Catholic and being part of a family.

So what's with the pickle jar?

Since I am a newbie as far as blogging,I found out that picking a name for a blog is a little tricky. Since there are many, many other sites on the Internet, I needed to come up with a name that is unique and creative. So the first twenty or so ideas I had were not going to work. The story about my sister and the pickle jar is one of my favorites and shows some of the quirkiness of my family.

Back when my sister was pregnant and the mother or two preschoolers, we were talking at a family gathering about getting basic things like shopping done when you are very pregnant and also have kids in tow. She said that someone told her to put a jar of pickles in your grocery cart and if your water breaks to drop the jar on the floor. That comment perplexed my brother who, at the time, had not experienced being a parent. He had all kinds of questions like do you actually buy the pickles or keep returning them at the last minute, what if you are at a store that doesn't sell pickles, and what are you going to do with three or four jars of pickles? Even now I can visualize my sister's kitchen with a whole shelf of pickles.

So how does this tie in with my theme?

Making a mess to cover up a mess is wrong but very human. We lie to cover up a lie, we hurt others when we feel hurt by them, even abortion is done to cover up a messy situation. We find it very hard to let go of our misguided plans and put that jar back on the shelf and find ourselves stocking up on negative solutions to problems.

God will give us a better solution to our problems if we just ask; just as the store manager doesn't want to keep returning jars to the store shelves or clean up broken glass.

I want to share with you some of my experiences with my faith and my family. Some are silly, some serious and some that remind me of my humanity. 

So keep checking in and I will tell you some of my thoughts on being a Catholic parent and family member. (and about my quirky family.)