In the Moment

 Not too long ago I had the pleasure of watching my one-year-old grandson at my house. He was fun to watch playing with his toys, checking to see if he could outsmart the baby-proof cabinet, and running down the hall to visit Grandpa. Then, after about forty-five minutes exhaustion hit and he was in tears. The only thing that calmed him down was snuggling up in my lap. Not only did he have to sit there, but he had to have my complete attention. If I picked up my phone or a book he started whining again. I realized that he wasn't going to be happy unless and until I was totally present to him. So we sat together and in a few minutes, his head dropped to his chest. I moved him to my shoulder and went back to my multitasking, but realized how important those moments with him were.

Afterward, I started thinking how that time of being totally present is something I do not strive for nearly enough; on the phone with my kids, listening to my husband talk about his interests that I do not necessarily share, in prayer. If I could focus and concentrate like that during mass, what would that do to my spiritual life? If I spent even a few minutes concentrating on my husband, how much could that improve my marriage?

Multitasking by itself is not a bad thing. If our minds did not drift to what we need to get done, many things would never get done. But maybe trying to be more present with our family and friends and more focused during prayer are good goals. We are not wired to laser focus on each task we do, but how wonderful it is when we have the opportunity to be totally present for a moment or two.

It Shows

 I had the opportunity to spend two weeks in a kindergarten classroom recently and was reminded of how honest they are about what goes on in their life.  I also was reminded that they usually do not have the communication skills to express their feelings well, nor the ability to make many changes in their lives. 

When they get tired, they either fall asleep in their chair or do whatever it takes to stay awake and alert; often this involves making noise or moving in ways that the teacher does not condone. When they are scared or worried, you might see tears, but you are just as likely to see anger or silliness.

I think as parents or other involved adults, we often are so wrapped up in our own problems that we forget that our children have feelings about what they see and perceive. Most teachers can tell when a child is exposed to some kind of change at home. It might be a sick relative, a missing pet, a change in the family routine, or something else that they have no control over. Often the adults have little or no control either. But some things the adults do have control over. No child should have to listen to the adults around him/her argue or fight. They should not have to listen to one adult put down another adult.  They definitely should not have to be exposed to immoral behavior whether it is drug use or theft, or violence towards a person or place. 

Yes, your child's teacher knows when there is something that your child is struggling with, whether it is a change in your work hours, a fight with an ex-spouse, or any of a myriad of other things. But you, as a parent, can do much more to help your child verbalize and deal with his/her emotions. Sometimes you can fix the problem, sometimes, not, but you are the one most likely to be able to pinpoint what it is that is hurting your child's heart.

So, when you are at your wit's end, even if it is not intuitive, give your child an extra hug, spend a couple of minutes talking to him/her, remember that they are feeling most of the same stresses you are and they cannot control anything about it.

When Your Son is "Father"

This was originally published on Catholic365.com
on March 15, 2015

"Oh, Fr. X is your son, you must be so proud" I have heard that quite often in the five years since my son was ordained. I usually smile and say thank you but I am usually thinking that what I am proud of is different than what that speaker is thinking. I am proud of my son for listening to God and doing his will and persevering through two masters degree programs in half a decade of seminary. I am proud of him for giving up a lucrative career in the secular world and giving up the physical intimacy and joy of being in a family because God called him to be his servant.

What is it like to have a son who is a priest? When people ask me that question, many things come to mind. I worried about him being happy while he was in the seminary; that he would not be discouraged by the long, hard process with years of classes and formation. I pray that he does not feel isolated or overwhelmed with his many duties, most of which he does alone. I am grateful that he and his brother priests have a strong bond and that with modern technology he can text or call one of his former classmates for support. I am concerned when I hear about discrimination and hatred towards Christians anywhere in the world because men like him are the brunt of that hatred and are in danger. And yes, I am proud when I go to Sunday Mass where he is presiding, and I see attentive faces and smiles of understanding around me during the homily. I am also proud when I see his look of total concentration during Mass.

There are also some interesting perks related to being part of the sisterhood of mothers of priests. Someone pointed out to me that I am guaranteed not to have an empty church at my funeral because most of my son's friends and acquaintances at church goers who will be supportive of him. At his ordination, he gave me a box with the cloth he wiped his hands with after the bishop anointed him. He claims I am supposed to show it to St. Peter when I die and it should be a passport to heaven. (I sometimes worry that my family won't find that box when the time comes; it is in my bottom dresser drawer, guys.) Sometimes we get to benefit from some of the generosity of his parishioners. He has bought an occasional dinner from the stack of gift cards he received at Christmas or sometimes shows up at the house with a dessert that someone gave him. Then is the down side of not knowing what to get him for Christmas; we can't shop for shirts or ties for him at the local department store.

Being a parent is an amazing experience. The parent of a man who is doing what God has called him to do is even more so. I know I cannot take any credit for his vocation except for trying to help him know God and not discouraging him. Yes, I am proud of my son in many ways and I am grateful to God that he is fulfilling his calling as a priest.

Why a Pickle Jar?

I am starting this blog with the intention of writing about being Catholic and being part of a family.

So what's with the pickle jar?

Since I am a newbie as far as blogging,I found out that picking a name for a blog is a little tricky. Since there are many, many other sites on the Internet, I needed to come up with a name that is unique and creative. So the first twenty or so ideas I had were not going to work. The story about my sister and the pickle jar is one of my favorites and shows some of the quirkiness of my family.

Back when my sister was pregnant and the mother or two preschoolers, we were talking at a family gathering about getting basic things like shopping done when you are very pregnant and also have kids in tow. She said that someone told her to put a jar of pickles in your grocery cart and if your water breaks to drop the jar on the floor. That comment perplexed my brother who, at the time, had not experienced being a parent. He had all kinds of questions like do you actually buy the pickles or keep returning them at the last minute, what if you are at a store that doesn't sell pickles, and what are you going to do with three or four jars of pickles? Even now I can visualize my sister's kitchen with a whole shelf of pickles.

So how does this tie in with my theme?

Making a mess to cover up a mess is wrong but very human. We lie to cover up a lie, we hurt others when we feel hurt by them, even abortion is done to cover up a messy situation. We find it very hard to let go of our misguided plans and put that jar back on the shelf and find ourselves stocking up on negative solutions to problems.

God will give us a better solution to our problems if we just ask; just as the store manager doesn't want to keep returning jars to the store shelves or clean up broken glass.

I want to share with you some of my experiences with my faith and my family. Some are silly, some serious and some that remind me of my humanity. 

So keep checking in and I will tell you some of my thoughts on being a Catholic parent and family member. (and about my quirky family.)